It’s been a long time, a call to a lost friend

By 29th May 2021 No Comments
    4 mins


It’s been a long time.

I disappeared. I haven’t talked with many people about it. Actually, to no one.

I was lost. A disaster. Craved something greater from life and myself. What does that even mean? A purpose? A goal? I felt like I need the adventure to keep me alive. Social media overwhelmed me at some point. People there make you feel like a fraud. Like you’re less than them. I didn’t want to become that version. I just wanted to learn, experience and feel something greater.

Travel helped me, though. Back then, we didn’t have boundaries, and I moved to Spain. Yeah, I did. Without any knowledge or even a job. I just wanted to work on what I love in a place I could call “home”. I mean, I wanted it to be my home. But I succeed professionally. I proved to myself that if you believe in something and work hard enough for it – it is possible to achieve it.

People are different here. They are, on so many levels. They are happy, all the time, and they seem not to care about anything. It makes them feel less stressed.

I mean, I am happy here, but am I? I craved deep connections, conversations and laughter, but then the lockdown came and changed everything.

We’ve been closed for so long. I was alone for three months. Only work, buying food and being with my thoughts for longer than expected.

We’re out now, but it’s still happening. Travelling is not the same anymore. It’s a shame because it’s the only medication you don’t need a prescription for. Oh, now you need. It’s called Covid Certificate or PCR test.

I’ve been writing a little. And I’ve met someone. He’s cute. He made me laugh, like no one before! We travelled a lot, but it’s over now. We’re not the same, and that could have killed us. Trust me. He loves to be around people, and I love to be anywhere but here. I like to discover the unknown, and he liked what he already knows. Have you felt that before? Like, you know, you’re not supposed to be with that person, but you keep going until it falls apart?

Did I mention I´m living in Spain for almost 3 years? In July I will celebrate it. It’s been a hell of a ride. Especially with the language. I have no idea what I am getting to, but hey! That’s me, I love to put myself in uncomfortable situations. That one is a great journey. It’s been the best thing I’ve done in my life.

It’s scary but exciting. In Sweden, they call it Resfeber. Two mixed feelings felt at the same time, I love that word, so I got it tattooed. It remembers me of the idea I like to live in.

Is it possible the idea of not finding your place? Your home?

I know your heart will help you reach places, and the memory of your goals will be the reason why you’re so inspired. You are the only one who can make it all happen.

I hold you in my thoughts,

Call me back, please.


Author Paulina

I'm a writer experimenting with fear, a photographer capturing the unseen, and a daily layout artist. This website is an honest self-talk about all the fears, the runaways, the routines, the jobs, the words, the photographs and the stories I write for you and me.

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